Must Be Love on the Brain

When you wake up in the middle of the night from an overall feeling of pure peace rather than a nightmare, it is a moment that must be memorialized.

I am free.

To choose incorrectly.

To massively mess up.

To have absolutely zero idea of what I am doing nor where I am going.

To grieve something I never got to have.

To love something bad.

And still, I get to love myself.

Through everything, I get to love myself.

Everyday, I get to love my self.

When it’s so cold my joints are in pain, I get to love myself.

When it’s so hot I can barely breathe through the mug, I get to love myself.

I can love myself in periods of rest.

I can love myself when I want to start over.

I can love myself when I decide it’s finally time to stay.

There doesn’t have to be a reason.

There doesn’t have to be a name.

The clouds outside can be pouring rain.

And still, the love I have for myself shall remain the same.

Now comes the time of learning what loving myself means. Not how other people tell me what loving and showing up for myself looks like, but through what resonates deeply within and for my soul. With all of my time on this planet and all of the topics I have explored, going external was always the name of the game. Consulting with others, hearing stories, reading.

This is the first time that I can confidently say I am the expert on a topic.

Attempts of dissuasion will be met with silence.

There’s no doubt nor question in my mind of who to consult on this subject.

When people respond with “I’m good” to the questioning of “how are you?”, I think this is how they feel. This must be good.